Yet when we observe human beings, something particular emerges. Different people can experience the same event in profoundly different ways. For some, what emerges most strongly is anger linked to the sense of helplessness that comes from facing something that cannot be changed. For others, it is regret for what was never said, done or shared. For others, it is a sense of injustice about what has been lost. In some cases, what emerges most strongly is gratitude for having had the opportunity to know that person and share part of life with them.
This does not mean that one response is more valid than another, nor that one person suffers more or less than someone else. It does suggest, however, that between objective reality and the experience each of us has of it, there is always a space in which personal history, meaning, expectations and interpretation play a role.
The same can be observed in many other areas of life. A separation may be experienced as a failure or as the natural conclusion of something that had run its course. A move may be perceived as a loss or as an opening towards new possibilities. A professional change may be interpreted as a threat or as an opportunity. Even a particular period of our lives can take on a completely different meaning when viewed years later.
We often regard our experience of the world as a faithful representation of reality. Yet what we see does not depend solely on what is in front of us. It is also influenced by what we have lived through, by what we have learned to fear, desire, seek, avoid and consider possible.
From this perspective, an interesting question emerges. Is it possible to become aware of these processes while they are taking place and change them?
Increasing awareness does not necessarily mean immediately changing what we feel. More often, it means beginning to observe our experience with greater clarity.
This is what I call becoming the observer.
Becoming the observer means bringing attention to the thoughts that arise, the sensations present in the body, the emotions that emerge and the meaning we are attributing to a particular situation.
When a person is completely immersed in an emotional reaction, they rarely question what they are perceiving. Anger, fear, rejection, a sense of injustice or failure tend to make it more difficult to step back from one’s experience and view it from different perspectives.
Becoming the observer is precisely about creating that distance.
It becomes possible to observe whether our response is genuinely arising from the present situation or whether past experiences, expectations, influences, conditioning or conclusions absorbed over time are being activated.
This does not necessarily remove the emotion, nor does it mean denying what we feel. It does, however, create a space between the event and the reaction.
It is often within that space that awareness of ourselves deepens and it becomes possible to recognise that what we are experiencing may not be the only interpretation available.
Over time, a different understanding of our relationship with reality can emerge. One that is not based on controlling events, but on a deeper awareness of ourselves and a clearer ability to observe how we participate in the construction of our own experience.
Awareness does not necessarily change what happens, but it can profoundly change the meaning we assign to our experiences and, as a consequence, the choices we make over time.