Looking at herself, she remarked, “I’ve put on so much weight!” It wasn’t just a casual comment or a moment of realisation – it was a reprimand directed at herself.
I helped her understand that all the loving affirmations in the world, all the good intentions and exercises to build a constructive inner dialogue, couldn’t be enough without a deeper awareness and attentiveness to her thoughts.
They say old habits die hard – but I say it depends. A negative habit can be broken in a moment. But for that to happen, you not only need to understand the issue and its roots, but also completely shift the way you treat yourself. You have to make the decision that ENOUGH is enough – it’s time to truly turn the page.
Negative comments, fixating on flaws, being harsh with yourself about everything – all of that must go. Looking at yourself in the mirror each morning and telling yourself that you matter and that you are worthy is wonderful – but if a few hours later you’re scrutinising your reflection with judgement, that morning effort is undone.
Until a new, kind, and constructive way of relating to yourself becomes a habit – and that happens only through repetition – you need to be extra mindful of any negative or self-sabotaging behaviours that may creep in.
What my client missed – and what I’m sure many of you do too – is that we’ve been raised to criticise ourselves and to compare ourselves to ideals of perfection. We haven’t been taught to love and accept ourselves for our unique essence.
So next time you see your reflection, say hello to yourself and blow a kiss. Make a cheeky comment out loud like “handsome devil” or “gorgeous woman” – and smile. Leave the criticism to the critics.
And if anyone teases you for feeling beautiful, for saying it aloud, for having fun with it, for loving yourself – flaws and all – and not being ashamed of your imperfections (in fact, even loving those too)… well then, to put it in scientific terms: who cares?!